My logic and reasoning skills have been way off since December 29th. Sometimes it's really hard to analyze something. Example: I went down to the store and bought pens because I had forgotten I already had pens, and didn't know where I had put them. I found my original pens in a fairly obvious place when I had more energy.
It took until I was waking up repeatedly throughout the night, multiple nights in a row to remember that my mattress is god awful. Once that was in the forefront of my mind, the gears finally started turning, and I came up with a theory: What if there's nothing wrong with me at all?
Of course there's something actually wrong with me, I'm at wit's end with how far my quality of life has deteriorated. But what I mean is, what if what's wrong with me has been my mattress all along?
In my current... lack of... brain.... shut up, I've forgotten how to words! You get what I'm trying to say! In my current state, it was easy to convince myself that there's been something wrong with me for years. Like I had some kind of medical issue. My energy has been slowly fading over time, and it hit the lowest point in my entire life December 29th, 2016.
But lately, my mind's gears and pistons have been pumping away. It's taken a few days to completely gather this idea, but here it is...
When was the last time I had a lot of energy? 2010. Ever since then, it's been steadily down hill. I had peaks and valleys along the way, but much like Twitter's popularity, it's been fluctuating in an ever downward direction, very slowly.
When was the point at which it got its worst? The morning of December 29th, 2016. I woke up and didn't have the energy to get out of bed for at least another 10 minutes. I was too weak to lift the weight of my own 139lbs twink body. When I finally was able to get up, I had so little strength, I nearly fell over due to being too weak to stand on one foot long enough to step over one of my cats. I haven been that weak since, but my amount of energy each day has diminished further since then, and my memory, creativity, and other important mental functions have degraded so badly that I'm starting to forget even the most basic things. IE: My computer's log-in password. It's been the same password for over a decade. Thankfully I've been able to remember really vital stuff, but for how long?
Is there anything at all that can coincide with my fading energy? Check this out.
When was the last time I had a lot of energy? 2010. It also happens that this was when I got my own room for the first time in my life. My own room meant my own bed, which meant moving from the bunk bed I'd slept on for over a decade to a larger mattress and box spring.
Ever since then, it's been steadily down hill. I had peaks and valleys along the way, but much like Twitter's popularity, it's been fluctuating in an ever downward direction, very slowly. It also happens that I've switched mattresses frequently ever since then, desperately hoping to find a better one. Just my luck, each time I've bought a mattress, new or used, it's been progressively worse than the previous one. In 2014 I saved up, went to a mattress store and bought one of their most expensive, thickest-padded mattresses. It was fantastic at first, but just after the factory's 2 month warrant expired, it wore out rapidly. It's the worst mattress I've ever had. I swear to god I'd sleep better of I just slept on the floor. I still have that mattress right now. Rotating it does nothing to help, I can't flip it over, because it's one-sided. I put a 2 inch foam pad on top and a mattress fixer under it, and I'm still getting the worst sleep of my life.
When was the point at which it got its worst? The morning of December 29th, 2016. On December 21st, 2016, I went up to visit my mom for Christmas. I visited for a whole week. While I stayed there, I used a guest mattress that was not unlike my bunk bed mattress. Even though I slept fantastically on it, I didn't find I had more energy in the morning. I returned home December 28th, 2016, and slept on my current mattress that night. When did my condition become the worst yet? The morning after going back to using my mattress again after a week using a different one.
Coincidence? Bullshit! That my mattress endeavors line up perfectly with the decline of my physical wellness is just coincidence is just as likely as a rock thrown at the Earth from the moon having the force of over 200 nuclear bombs.
You might be thinking... words... that I just forgot. God damn it. I had this in my head literally 2 seconds before I started typing this same paragraph...
Oh right! You might be thinking that given my propensity for logic and science I'd be able to draw a connection between all of my mattresses. And you'd be wrong. I am incredibly stupid.
But! Although it has taken me far too many agonizing years of hellish suffering to figure it out, I do think I may have finally pinpointed the problem all of my mattresses have shared, now that I've started to think about what made mom's guest mattress remind me so much of my old one. Softness. Every single time I went out to buy a mattress, I went looking for a softer, more comfortable mattress than my previous one. How well does that analysis hold? Well, I bought a highly soft pillow-top mattress. Softest mattress I've ever owned. I've never been more fatigued day in and day out in all my life. Not even high school, with my 60lbs backpack, and waking up at 6AM to get all the way over to school on time made me this fatigued.
Why did mom's guest mattress remind my of my bunk bed mattress? It was firm. My old bunk bed mattress was quite firm. But I was a dumb kid when I first got it, so I didn't know any better. I only realized how hard my mattress had been when I had pleuritis/pleurisy some time in 2009. I was in constant agony, and my bed was way too firm to sleep on, so I slept on the couch for two and a half weeks until the pain had finally subsided. Going back to my bunk bed after sleeping on the plush couch made me realize how firm it was. It felt like sleeping on concrete.
(That's hyperbole, of course, but it still felt like concrete.)
That's the exact same firmness my mom's guest mattress was. It was, for all intents and purposes, just like my bunk bed mattress, and a level of firmness not a single one of my mattresses after I gave up my bunk bed even came close to. And for those thinking it, no. It wasn't the same mattress. My bunk bed mattress was blue with pink roses all over it. The guest one was white with a golden sun embroidered on the side.
Armed with that knowledge.... I don't know what I'm going to do. Even if I could afford another new mattress, I have no way of transporting it home since I don't have a vehicle. And if I'm going to buy a new mattress for the 8th freakin time, I'm going to want to make sure it's of perfect firmness. So I'll need to be able to test it in person.
You know what's funny, though? The mattress place I bought hell's mattress from went out of business only shortly after I bought my mattress, so even if I had gotten their 5 year warranty, I would have been fucked anyway.
Have to doubt them going out of business was a coincidence, either. I'm not saying I'm responsible, but if my mattress is anything to go by, I'm surprised I didn't find their store burnt down instead.