So, my test results readout is retarded. For some reason it has the explanation in bold text on the very last page, all by itself, with nothing to really suggest that's where it would be. It says my thyroid is fine.
That should be fantastic news, but it's not. It means something else is wrong with me, and I don't know what it is. Thankfully, the test people were nice enough to have me fill out a symptoms and severity scantron sheet, and that scantron sheet gave me a list of suggestions after it was analyzed. I'm not sure how to read it, because the staff made sure it was confusing as fuck: It's done in bars. The bars, I think, are meant to show the severity. Most of the bars are red, and one is green, but the red bars are the long ones, and the green one is the shortest. So I don't know if the red ones are meant to mean they're more likely, because they're longer, or if the green one is most likely, even though it's the shortest.
Either way, the green one doubles as a double-test: High and low cortisol. I think low cortisol is the green one. I'm too lazy and too tired to go look, right now, but if memory serves, they were both the shortest bars.
I'm going to take cortisol tests next, because it knocks out two of the suggestions at once, and one of the suggestions is the done in a different color, making it stand out, so it seems to be significant. Unfortunately, these tests are pretty spendy, so it may be another month before I can take the test. I got shit to buy. I can't be spending nearly $200 every month on tests. I need a new bed, a new pillow, I need a stand for the brand new professional microphone I bought, I could really use a bigger desk so I can use my tablet more comfortably, I need a new tablet, because mine is craptacular.... but the ones with screens on them are a few thousand, and I can't blind-draw so it has to be one of those.... I really want to try to make a home-brew mocap studio, that's going to be cripplingly expensive...
Ain't nobody got money for expensive tests!
"But you could die!"
Yeah, I'd probably be better off, frankly. I've been a game developer since 2003 and still haven't released a game worth playing. Honestly, I might as well skip waiting to die, and just kill myself.
Heh heh... pessimism.