So I made fun of some kids who are probably going to grow up to be worthless due to "progressive" environments being their teaching place. I called them useless on Twitter and the person I tweeted it at responded back calling me useless.
I corrected by saying I'm a talented game developer, so am therefore not useless. Turns out, she's a game critic... an oh-so useful position, but this isn't about sniping, so I'm not going to be mean. She demanded I show her how successful I am, but sadly, I only have 4 absolutely trash games out. She wants to Let's Play them.
This post is going to be mostly addressing her for the sake of her and anyone her LP sends my way, so bear with me.
Look, critic girl (to cover my ass and protect your identity), I've made little effort to hide the fact that I used to be terrible.
Here They Are. Go ahead and click the link. I'm not afraid to admit those are my creations, and I'm perfectly comfortable with people playing them. (My readers, please don't play my games. You're not going to have a good time... You don't deserve to suffer that way.)
Frankly, if it bothered me, I wouldn't have left them up for 6 years. Hell, one has over 900 plays... those poor, unfortunate souls... That's a lot of plays for something you think I'm afraid of people discovering.
The issue, here, is that I didn't say SUCCESSFUL like you seem to think I said... like you admitted you think I said. I told you I'm TALENTED. Talent and success are not synonyms, and playing my old games isn't going to prove I'm not talented.
The one I gave you directly, Savage, is an RPG I started in 2004. You do realize that's almost a decade and a half old, right? I didn't finish it until 2008, and I didn't upload it until 2011. Not a single one of those games are good, current, or even serious for that matter. One of them is a joke for a joke challenge I was part of (Drake's Nightmare), and judge for. (My game didn't get an opportunity to win. All three judges submitted a game for the challenge for fun.) And another is made mostly out of graphics I didn't even make. (Savage) And Slaughter House was done literally in weeks because I wanted to make a game about stickmen and senseless murder jsut to be a game about stickmen and sensless murder.
To try to use any of those games, from all that time ago, as proof I have no talent is extremely disingenuous, because I've made it patently clear, to you and to everyone who follows me, that absolutely am a talented developer. My inability to release a game in a while has little to do with a lack of talent, but let me put my skills where my mouth is.
"Is 2D all you're good for? Get with the times!" Actually, no. I can do 3D, too. And I'm pretty damn good, there, as well.
Here's a WIP canine character I sometimes show off.
Wow, is that it? I'm all out?
Huh, yep. If I go back any further than 2012, it all becomes pretty much shit not worth seeing.
So, critic girl, go right ahead. Play my games, berate them into the ground, insult me until you're blue in the face, then link me your LP/review. I'll watch it. I really will. I look forward to it.
You can say what you want, do your worst. My own fans can even tell me how they really feel about them. It's not going to bother me. The games are between a half decade to a decade and a half old. Yeah, big shock: I struggled back then. I'm pretty much self-taught. I sure as hell didn't go to college, so I didn't take any game development classes, or design classes.
You're not going to prove to me, or your fans, or my readers that I'm useless by showing off my old games. All you're going to show is that the road I traveled was steep and rocky. You're going to reveal the uphill battle I fought to get to where I am now. Go back over my sprites in this post. I think I've thoroughly proved I'm a talented developer. (Or, at the very least a talented graphic designer... I've done jack shit to show I can develop games.)
My inability to maintain enough interest to finish a game in years has nothing to do with my skill as an artist or game developer, and everything to do with there being a lot wrong with my brain.
When I stop being interested in finishing a project, I have to dump it. It doesn't mean it's gone, but it means I've stopped working on it for the time being. I have to stop when I lose interest, because if I kept trying to force myself to finish the game, I don't think it would have the heart and soul put into it that I want to put into it. If I don't have the passion I once held, the game could be lackluster and rushed.
I've lost interest in every single project I've ever worked on since 2011, with exception to my last one. That one was actually going very well, I just hit the mother of all energy slumps, and it's left me very forgetful and extremely easily mixed up, and very dumb. The kind of engine that game needs requires my mind to be sharp and quick, otherwise I'll be screwing up, frustrating myself, and exhausting myself trying to simulate code in my head.
Any programmers reading will know all too well what I'm talking about.
As a result of my current state, I've willingly put the project off, as much as it pains me, simply because I know I'm not fit for the game's demands right now.
However, I was struck by sudden inspiration and have returned to a previous project shown early on in this blog. It's where the animated sprite at the top of this post comes from. That game, I'm hoping, will be the project that I finish, simply because of how long I've been trying to develop it (9 years) and because it's sprites are looking really nice.
Then we'll see who is mocking who.
Oh yeah, I'm also a talented writer, too. I wrote and published a pretty good novel. And no, I'm not telling you what it is because you'd never read it, because I'm not giving it to you, you'd have to buy it like everyone else, and I know it would kill you to know your money ends up in my pocket, so you'd never do it. And to answer your question, no, it's not successful, because I don't shill it, ever, and I haven't bought much advertising space, so it has few sales right now.
One character from the list above actually comes from that book, though.
(I really hope this post comes out ok. I've had to rewrite so much of this damn thing because it kept glitching up and erasing blocks of what I wrote. Weebly is never usually this bad... I'm tired now and just want to go to bed.)
Edit: Yeah, I knew it would fuck up... Good thing I copied everything over to a word document, otherwise I would have lost this final block of text. Now I have to check to make sure I haven't lost any of my fucking proofreading...
Update: Yep, all of my proofreading had been undone. I've (hopefully) fixed it all now.