Sorry I've been a little lacking in content and productivity, lately. I have this odd quirk where my creativity and workflow start to tank when I hit a certain level of discomfort, and I've got a few things coming up, this month, that I need to do and it's been messing with my levels of comfort.
First off, I hate schedules. I don't keep em. As soon as I got out of high school, schedules went out the window. Did absolute wonders for my stress levels and restfulness, and my ability to work and be creative. It wasn't until after a year or so living a low-stress, low discomfort, high creativity and output life style that I started to realize how much things have an effect on me.
I know, I know... everyone has discomforts they have to put up with, and it's fine, I'll live, but I'll be damned if it's not inconvenient for doing things. Allow me to give you an idea of just how picky my creative flow is. If I'm feeling even a little anxiety, it becomes much harder to be creative. If I'm wearing a shirt I find uncomfortable or bothersome and it really starts to nag at me how uncomfortable the shirt is, my creativity just evaporates. This is why I usually work topless and in sweatpants or other comfort-wear.
Currently, I have an appointment coming up, and having appointments I'm responsible for keeping gives me anxiety. Yeah, I know it's stupid... I don't understand it myself. I just get panicky and anxious when I know I've got something I have to do on a specific day at a specific time. I prefer spontaneity. "Man I'm tired. Is there anything else I can do before going to bed?" "I'm getting kind of hungry now. Am I hungry enough to justify eating right now, or should I put it off until I'm more hungry? Is there anything in the fridge I'm eager to eat?" "What time is it? 8AM? I'm still tired. Maybe another half hour will do."
I'm going to be in discomfort all month long... My appointment isn't for another 7 days (the anxiety has been tormenting me for weeks already), then my family wants me to visit for Christmas, even though they're the assholes who decided to uproot everyone (except me, I didn't want to pack my bags on a whim) and move two hours to a separate county. It's because mom's mom is getting old, and her dad's health isn't so great. Just 10 years ago, he was kind of a fat guy, now he's the skinniest I've ever seen him in my entire life.
I think she feels bad about running off to get married after she was old enough to move out. She moved miles away from her home town before deciding to have kids, and we've rarely seen them as a result. But how can anyone blame her? Her home town is the suicide capital of the entire state!
Well, anyway, now they want me to visit for the 3 days leading up to Christmas day, and the 3 days following, so I'll be unable to access my computer, I'll likely be sleeping on the floor in the tiny living room with everyone else she decided to cram in there with her. Don't get me wrong, it will probably be fun for the first day or two, but then the novelty will wear off, but I'll still be stuck there for another 5 days. I'll be sleeping terrible, I'll likely be bored most of the time, there's also the 2 and a half hour ride there, and the same two and a half hour ride back. And I hate car trips, especially considering car-sickness runs in the family. It'll probably take ages to get back into my groove when I get home... Not to mention the week of work I'll be missing.
December is going to suck...